I Never Knew I Was Beautiful

You need to learn the power of decorating your own soul, your own inner voice. Let us start from there, when I was growing up I never knew how beautiful I was;all I could see in the mirror was my very big nose;looking awful. I see my nose as big because I was constantly told it was big by people around me. I would put my hands on it to cover it up, I always touched my nose and honestly it took me forever to stop that habit. When I look at my friends I see beautiful princesses, but not me:I had big feet, scanty hair and big eyes. All this for me, as time passes by I became active in school activities, I was struggling for attention. I had this teacher back then her name was Miss Grace, for whatever reason she saw beyond my big nose and made me took part in the cultural dance group back then.

I would stay in the front row and just create attention, this was to distract people from looking at my nose. Those activities helped me with my confidence a little bit as a young girl, Maybe if I remained in a mixed school with boys and girls finding myself would have been easier;but my mom took me to an all girls school. You want to know what happens in an all girls school; I will tell. You can end up all confident and happy or you can be miserable and completely broken;I didn’t want to be the broken one, but remember my big nose and big feet, small head. I have a friend I love him so much, now he would say your head looks like okra but I love it. It is full of beautiful things and ideas, that’s something now. Back then I had one of the biggest shoes in school which made me look like a boy about to jump, I just made that up( the boy jumping part). If you want to succeed in any environment you find yourself ,the people you meet and make your circle matters a whole lot. Take it from me, even now as adults your circle should be small and meaningful.

I had a group of friends, from different backgrounds, back then they were from very rich families. There is a way been rich makes you look beautiful, it makes your words looks right and better than others when you speak. But in reality that is not true at all, they looked like princesses but they were just bullies taking advantage of the beautiful ones who didn’t have confidence. On their own they couldn’t make real friends, so they hang in there with the girls /boys who struggled with low self esteem. They would never stop talking about the achievements of their parents, why is that so? They had no real conversations. I always admired my friends and told them how beautiful they looked, not for once did I get a decent compliment in return. It was more of giving than receiving. My God, looking back now I was full of love and kindness. I wanted everyone to be Okay, i would go all the way to put a smile on someone’s face; yes that was Mary. What i am trying to point out is not getting any compliment from my circle, all I really got was people around me asking for favors, and me not having the “NO” power i already said yes, and never stopped apologising for things I never even did. Wow! the fear of losing friends as a young girl is the fear of most young girls. It is very important for you to find yourself early in life. I tell this to young people Especially girls, learn self acceptance, forget the big nose, the big feet, the small talks, you are good enough, know you can do more, activate the vibes that is circulating inside you trying to bust out to beautiful things.

Social media doesnt even help now, you see almost everyone looking perfect, no spots,everyone looking flawless. That is not the reality, the reality is looking at your big nose and big feet if you have one like me, and loving it. So I can imagine how difficult it is for young people going through bully and what they are struggling with. When I got married it was even worse, i tried to perform magic by doing so much, it only got worse Because I was constantly talked down, my ex husband would say if you didn’t have a big nose oh,; if you didn’t have big nose , he kept talking me down with little things. What he did was even worse than growing up. Find out what matters most to you; celebrate your accomplishments no matter how small.

It is never late for a new beginning in your life,. There is one secret I must share with you, my mom told me anyone who leaves my life has lost something really big. People loose you when you know your worth you don’t loose them. Have a great attitude, you know attitude is everything. Believe in your beauty, it is amazing when you look at that part of your body that you thought wasn’t good enough and just start loving it on a different level. There is no mistake about it, my nose compliments my big eyes, I am not average, lucky for me i never sat on the victim’s chair, you don’t have to look far to find better things in your life, you have everything right where you are.

I started decorating my own soul, don’t let anyone do that for you. I am so beautiful, immediately i found myself, everyone else started seeing it, all I hear now is you’re so beautiful some of my friends would say to me, Mary growing up you were the cutest; ugh” really, now they say it. Don’t stay around anything that doesn’t serve you, stay away from things that don’t make you grow. I challenge you to walk away from what is not making you a better person;what is important is how you see yourself. Don’t see yourself as anyone else. Say Yes to your genuineness “don’t fake it, the real people will see the beauty you carry, no makeup can hide that. Forget all those regrets that led you no where, focus on your possibilities, just like me know that the cutest shoes comes in bigger sizes because they are always limited.

Give yourself permission to be beautiful, give yourself permission to be great. You never know how far you can fly until you spread those wings;my pains in life drew me to my pen, when I am broken i run to my book and just Express all of myself, i don’t know where I would have been if I never went through pains and challenges as a young girl, if I didn’t suffer from rejection and abuse i never would have the courage to speak to women with so much confidence. Just continue to be you, never stop smiling. I always want to top myself ,just live in the present. I would say go after whatever makes you happy, you will never move forward in life if you remain in one place. My strength came from thinking i couldn’t do to doing it every time. I let my energy overcome my negativity, don’t be deceived it is always there that small negative voice, but you have the power to control it. Try your hardest not to listen to what people say, they always have something negative to say, but pay attention to what they don’t say.

Hey! Just unlock your possibilities because your life is possible.

@eghonghon

Don’t forget to drop a comment. 🤗🧚‍♀️

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Trusting my process

When I talk about my process i smile because i believe in something that is not seen with the physical eyes. Walking in a pathway to self freedom is my process,looking deep inwardly and having the ability to work effectively with the physical. It is a lot, Especially making the biggest decisions of your life. Looking forward opening up every part of me to achieve greater value in what I believe. You know coming from a place where what is believed depends on cultural values and beliefs it’s really hard I must say, so first you need to believe completely in yourself. We are not taught to believe hundred percent in ourselves, rather we are taught to just struggle. Struggle in school struggle in your love life as well as your marriage,so finding your inner self has to come from you changing your mindset from the only belief you know.

Waiting for change to come will never happen, what happens is you taking charge and making that change. It is a known fact to pray and believe when you are struggling with abuse, isolation, mental health issues, depression, anxiety, fear, loneliness and low self esteem. So who do you speak to when you need to heal? No one, just pray your way out! Remember overcoming insecurities needs a lot of inward power. Your process is your shift, your openness to a new perspective,i made that shift. When i made a connection with my inner self i began to unlock all my hidden potentials, it didn’t happen overnight but it gave me more faith in my process. When I made that shift I was able to pray with a better connection and spirituality.

My process is my new beginning, understanding my boundaries, understanding my inner voice, giving myself a voice; a voice to change my language. Trusting my process means changing what I say to myself remember this pathway is a journey of trusting the unknown, believing something strong enough to keep you in a platform of openness to your wholeness. Giving your all to your innerself. What is my voice, my voice is knowing who I am. Identifying myself without talking about material objects or work, defining myself with my weakness and strength my imperfections, my scars and my experiences. No apologies for what I believe, my voice is rising inside and changing my outward look. It is not seen but felt. I am like a shooting star you see it when you keep looking up.what is going to guide me is my positivity and faith.

My process is here , it is now, through it I am living in the moment. Letting go of self doubt, trusting my process is having self control, only self control will lead me to my choices and self confidence;fixing my eyes on what is important, remember where it all started from. I want to enjoy what is and be bold enough to face the unknown without overthinking it. Me living in the moment is me taking responsibility of myself and my actions, thriving to getting my own wonders. I am not chasing after approval, i am accepting my whole being ,my place,this is where i want to be, there will be mountains to climb but that is life every day can not be the same.

I do not want to make my process boring. I will have to enjoy every day by putting on a smile, the beauty of this smile is not fake:it is a sign of the challenges i do not allow have a hold on me. Remember i am a new creation now , perfect is what is boring, doing the same thing, touching your old wound, holding on to the past, that is boring. Me writing out and understanding everything I am going through is for a better me. Happiness is a Choice, i heard those words too many times without really understanding it ,until i started trusting my process.

Whatever did not work out in my life i am so grateful for now, i wish you can see me smiling now. When we beat up ourselves over things that didn’t work is because we don’t understand the process. I was going somewhere recently with my kids, i am in a new environment so i am having a hard time getting the directions right since i haven’t started driving we had to take the bus, something we are not used to. We were at the bus stop waiting for the bus, it was very unusual since we stood there for over thirty minutes, i saw a security guard i took my kids and we ran to him asking for directions. My daughter screamed mummy the bu!, oh my; i saw the bus we were waiting for;,I told the security guard I’m Sorry but I have to go. We turned again running towards the bus, before we got there the bus left. I stood looking at my kids who were so tired and hungry, i went back to the security guard. Finally he looked at my phone and said ‘ma’m but that bus is a traveling bus, it’s going outside the city the bus you need is just over there. I looked at my kids and said I am so Sorry, yes we wasted time waiting for the wrong bus, but going to ask for directions gave us a better direction. That is what happens to us in life, not all storm are met for bad, some storms comes to our lives to give us better view of where we are going.

I am unlocking something bigger than me. It looks blurry but I trust it to have a better vision. I have learned patience and the power of gratitude,be thankful for every single day. I look at my life knowing what I have survived makes me feel so determined to keep trusting my process, Live every day as it comes, the rest will take care of themselves. ☺❤🧚‍♀️

Happiness is around you Pt1

This may sound strange to you or you have heard it before, happiness is in little things. As familiar as it sounds it is true, but we offen choose to look for happiness in far away places. Most times we wish to have more yet we have all we need,. Trying so hard to be happy actually drains your energy, you might not notice this on time, but over time when you Finally discover the truth about being happy, you realize you have put in too much energy and time being sad.

Over the years I have been through alot of situations and struggled with making things perfect and getting it right, but if you are not careful you might end up loosing yourself and staying even more unhappy. It might not be much but these are the moments and process that got it right for me.

DO NOT SHUT THE WORLD OUT

•If you shut the world out you will be stuck in one spot, but the world will not stop for you to get it right. Know that the world does not stop because you did, a lot even happens, good or bad it is part of the process that makes the world interesting. Oh Yes! When we are sad we quickly look for who to blame for our terrible situation, and when everyone seems far you turn to the world and hold it accountable for your failures and unhappiness. In as much as you want to chase the world out of your life you need to be in the world, so you can exist but in your own space. Sneak out once in a while even in your challenges, stop hiding so you can do everything you can to stay alive and see reality around you.

KNOW YOUR TRUTH

•What do you believe, what are your beliefs. Your belief is your truth, sometimes is what you have being told growing up; sometimes is your family belief and culture. Your environment, traditions practiced in your family and you want to hold on to those things as your truth. When my marriage started having troubles I refused to face the bitter truth that it might have to end for me to live. In the process of making it work I was going through more pains, the thought that my mum did not have a broken marriage made it even harder for me, i kept telling myself it must work because nobody in my family would accept me completely as a divorcee. I did not want to live in shame because of what others would say, i took this as my truth. But i am not my mother, she was able to stay and raised beautiful children even in an abusive marriage. I saw myself living in that same environment and going through same experience, it was time for me to know my truth and accept it. When you accept your truth your journey becomes easier, you are able to uproot every lie you have ever told yourself, you become more connected to your Innerself. I stopped living in what others want to see but what I want to see. It is not as easy as i am writing it now, it was a lot of work, but baby steps will improve help you identify and acknowledge who you are at the end of the day. There is great happiness to understanding who you truly are and believing in that true person you have brought out.

POSITIVE CHOICES

•You can not be happy if you still live with negativity of yesterday’s hurt,know that what you hold inside is under your control. Staying happy is having positive thoughts, only positivity will keep your mind at ease. Negative thoughts will creep in, having positive choices does not mean everything is going on perfectly, it means you are putting a smile on your face even in a rough and difficult challenges. Let me tell you something interesting! Even as I went through hard times i was able to go out and speak in events, i see people smiling and laughing. After an event some people do come to me and share their worse situations and how relieved they felt after the program. I could only do this because of my positive attitude and thoughts, i realized that by trying to help others i was helping myself get out of my own situation. Positivity makes you embrace the moment because that is what counts, i was able to live for the now, it brought out more laughter and love that was hidden. You can smile again if you let you positive choices play the bigger part in your life.🧚‍♀️💜

LIVE

How confident are you when you are going through a hard time and still have the courage to lift your head up.

That has been my struggle, coming out everyday to inspire others but have to fight to survive from my own demons. What people see is that SMILING face full of life and confidence, but in reality I bleed in my own pains. But like I always say life is possible and must be lived.i do not believe in self pity and whining over what will not change unless I change the situation myself.

I went through months of Depression and abuse, anxiety, Infact I went through everything I preached about. You do not want to go through same experience of hurt over and over again, then it is your fault. The beauty of this is I see people sending me beautiful messages saying “you made my day with your message ” or i wanted to give up but looked at you and changed my mind. Wow! This gave me some Hope to know I still have something left inside of me and it’s bigger than me. I kept pushing myself and coming out of the nightmare,. You do not have to live in self -abuse , when I say self abuse I mean reminding yourself every day that your life is worthless, self- criticism , you are enough. Enough in every way, what I needed to do in my situation was just get up and live again.

What next for Mary, who is Mary? Me myself and I, not me myself and others. No it is left for me to move on to the next stage of my life. Not seeing everything as small but seeing myself as big, big enough to start all over no matter how. That is another challenge some of us face, we think we can not start from where we are, you can start form anywhere all you need is a sound MENTAL state of mind. I am not a professional speaker or writer, but trust I sure can say it like it is.

Do not lose yourself, it is so easy to lose oneself, getting yourself back is not as easy. Now it is time to go back to the drawing board and see myself for who I truly am, not the big nose girl others see, or the young girl who could not save her marriage or herself from being broken and abused. I knew I had to fight back myself, if you lived in a community where people say Depression is not real, or expect you to always be quite because that is what makes you brave! I tell you, you will not understand how hard it is to fight your way out of BROKENNESS. I look at the mirror and say i can do this, that strength is still there for me, i have a loud voice to Express myself and not hold on to things I can not change.

I am a who i say i am, i am what I say I will be. No SPECIAL life is given to anyone, yes I know some people are born into what looks like greatness, good or bad is not given to us, we alone have the power to create the life we want to life. It is time for you to come out front that place of darkness and shine. It is Okay to cry, yes! Cry, scream as loud as you want but please get up and live. No one cares unless you do it for you your dreams won’t work until you put it to work.

Try to be with people who will inspire you, remember no one is an island, creat a good relationship with others, your circle can be small but make sure it is powerful. Trust me it is great when we feel cared for by others, even though the bigger roll is on you. Keep moving and remind yourself there were times you were happy, self improvement and self valuing will BOOST your comebacks. Know that you will SUCCEED i do not know how deep you situation is right now, but i went through it and got out. Do not stay put in one spot it will make your PUNISHMENT worsen.

You say is it possible to change from all the hard lines, i say Yes, oh yes, not in one day, but recognize that life happens and you will surely survive the terrible challenges now even ahead. 🤗

@eghonghon