Happiness is not out there

Look at you! Wow; it is Funny how we offen think our happiness is out there. I for one thought I lost out in finding happiness , i always wanted to be happy. What’s life if you are not happy, happiness is everything, but you have to decide the path to finding it. The truth is we complicate things, we look for things in the wrong places. We offen forget to believe in something beautiful, something amazing is about to happen in our lives. We forget to trust ourselves a little bit more.

I always create a world of possibilities where I run to when the world becomes very unbecoming for me. In that world I am a whole new me, so I decided to bring it to realty. Let’s ask ourselves this question, what brings you happiness? Is it your job , your relationship, your car or your friends. What makes you truly happy? Some of us are even scared to be happy, we think when we are happy something comes to end it . I don’t blame you if you are like that, I used to be like that myself. I have deep doubts and fears and this affected my vibes definitely. I told myself why am I happier in a different world, why can’t I be happy every day and everytime. What is stopping me, really ask yourself, what is stopping you form shining. Why do we apologize for the things that makes us happy! It’s time to go deep and explore ourselves, just like I did.

Happiness is not out there it’s in you. When you being to understand that you start seeing your life differently. There is nothing to look for outside, it’s all inside of us it is around us. The way you see yourself, the way you love yourself and appreciate the fact that you have the chance to be great every day. This is where you Express that positive attitude and energy. Trust me there is magic inside us but we’re afarid to use it. A lot of things stopped me in the past but not anymore; I deserve to be happy, happy without any reason. Yes! You should try it. How can you be happy only when it’s Christmas, or a major holiday or celebration. I say no to that. Sometimes I get up and start dancing, i put down everything and start dancing, listen to a wonderful music that uplifts my soul and spirit. I take out time from the crazy news and find my own inspiration.

So what’s holding you back? Without realizing this some of us allow the behavior of others to destroy our peace,. Don’t do that, you are the only one holding yourself back, so you are accountable for your happiness. I remember my ex husband coming home one day and saw me crying, without asking me why I was crying, he said to me I hate to break your heart even more but happiness is your choice I can’t give that to you. Back then I didn’t understand, I cried even more, I wanted more, I thought he would at least ask me what the problem was, maybe give me a hug or something like that. Ugh; that never happened but I got the best advice that day. Yes! Happiness is my choice. There will always be good and bad days so how you want to handle it depends solely on you. Some of us depend on others to make us happy, like the old me always seeking approval from others. No stop doing that i told myself. No more emptiness, i don’t leave myself empty. I have so many reasons to be happy, money goes people say you can’t do without money, no you shouldn’t do without being happy. Don’t ignore the efforts you are putting everyday, you are doing great, but you have to see it from inside to appropriate it.

Face your fears, face it and be happy. You have to believe in yourself, I know you have heard these words over and over. But believing in yourself never gets old, you must believe to see everything completely coming to light. It’s time to make amends, redefine your goals and choices. Don’t stop being happy. Live in a world where your happiness is free, look forward to the life in front of you. What am I saying to you is enjoy your happiness leave the past in the past where it belongs. What is ahead of you is far more important than everything you have left behind you. Speak positivity into your existence, remember you will always get what you seek.

Let your plan be to be happy. You deserve happiness.

Eghonghon.

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Rejection

Rejections are regular features that comes along with your daily life. No matter how powerful you are in life nobody wants to feel rejected. But to me I have come to see rejection as a blessing rather than a cause. I have been rejected alot of times, and I ask myself this question WHY? Not anymore, it has opened up my path to having better understanding with my process. The problem is not the rejection but how you cope with it. Some of us spend to much time focusing on the problem rather than looking for Solutions. Days will go by quickly without you realizing this,remember the world does not stop moving because something bad happens to you. Infact the world moves faster, things are happening and you sit in your corner winning about why you are rejected.

Being in a new environment and Learning how to integrate rejection comes along with this package. I wake up everyday finding my place in this new society, circumstance has changed, these are not the things I am used to. Do I sit back and wonder why I am being rejected or find a way to fit im. Yes, it is hard to learn a new culture and understand different ways of people who are not from your tribe and kind. But remember those people from your tribe and kind still reject you. My focus was not to fit in but to bring me along into this new society. Be me in my own skin and do what I know how to do best and that is spreading my positivity. We attract what we think about, we are shapen by our thoughts. I have to understand my new environment was not waiting for me, i was coming to it. We live in a society where fake is more than real. This is so SCARY but it is the reality of our Today’s world. I came out of my apartment and no one was smiling, do I feel rejected because I said Hello and all I got was a straight face! I kept smiling and walked pass two other people who didn’t respond to my greetings. It happened three times in a row for a week, but I kept smiling and saying Hello. It was hard for me, I am getting rejected looking for a job, I was rejected in many apartments before I got one. Now I am feeling rejected because no one would respond to my greetings in the mornings. My kids come home Especially my son and all I hear is mummy I don’t like my new school. I asked my daughter,I asked her first because she is full of life and always happy. And she says to me the other students don’t like me, nobody likes us, we feel rejected. Hummm, rejected? I asked her, yes mum. I told her this, just because you feel nobody likes you does not mean you are rejected. It is Okay, remember you are new and they don’t really understand you yet. Give them time but never stop being yourself. Do not try to fit try to stand out, let people see and know who you are.

Sometimes when I feel rejected I tell myself it is not about me, my color or race. It is not about where i am coming from, it is not about my abused life or my healing from Depression, it has nothing to do with me. It is easy for us to feel it is about us when we are rejected, sometimes we want to hear those words, you are hired, you are beautiful, you are welcome here but when those words don’t come ,know it is not about you. I went to check out one appartment when I was looking for a place, the landlord said to me I can’t give you this place, i said why . After walking under the hot sun for one good hour, that wasn’t even the issue, missing my way several times and yet I was rejected once again. We always have big plans about doing something big, being in certain places and holding big positions but somehow life gives us the rejections;it does not mean you won’t get everything but at the right time when you can handle everything well enough and appreciate your progress.

Make your own evaluations of the things happening in your life. Know that what is designed for you will get to you and you will appreciate the experience that got you there. When I Finally got a place ,it was what I wanted, not the best but good enough with everything around me, i realized the places I got rejected were far from bus stops, malls and groceries shops. When I got to the school board to get school for my kids i was shocked to find out my kids school is just 5min away from the house. Sometimes your rejections are for your own benefits. For your own growth and helps you understand the power of saying NO. I refuse to take rejections personally, we also get rejected by family members loved ones and even neighbors. That should not stop you from moving forward, do not take it as an offence, you can’t have a bad life because you were rejected. Take it as a way of discovering yourself. I don’t stop saying Hello on the hall way when I see my neighbors, I put on a big smile even when they don’t feel like it now they smile back. Just recently a guy walked up to me and said hope you are Okay: Wow! That was a big deal. I said yes thanks this means alot.

Don’t give up, it is not about you, keep going and remember people are struggling with different things, do not let all these stop you. You are going to get rejected, that is the more reason you have to put you first. Sometimes change is good, if you have never been rejected, it is coming. No one is immune to this, I want you to use this as your own good. Do not over react,Remember you have also rejected some people too. Just recognize it and let it go ,do not let it define you. Do not let anyone tell you you can’t do something by their rejections. Live your life for you not for anyone else, you will get rejected don’t let it stop you,people will always judge you that is life. To me rejection means they see greatest in me and is too big for them to handle. Even in my deepest pain i am experiencing life to my advantage.

Your life is possible in every angle.

Eghonghon

Realize

Have you realized, that sometimes not everything you want will be yours.
Have you realized that when you worry so much about something you truly suffer twice.
Have you realized,that when you don’t let go it becomes a heavy burden.
Have you realized, that your negative attitude only takes away your positive energy.
Have you realized, that there is always a lesson when you lose.
Have you realized, that no matter how heavy the storm is ,it passes.
Have you realized, when you look closely there are little miracles everywhere.
Have you realized, sometimes you create your own problems by complicating little things.
Have you realized, sometimes you spend too much time judging others instead of understanding them.
Have you realized, sometimes it is easier to make your circle small ;so you can see those who are happy for your happiness.
Have you realized,the best gift you can give is a smile.
Have you realized,instead of quitting is better to unplug and recharge yourself.
Without pains life has no depth.

Eghonghon.

The dark room

Look at me running back to the room I thought I shut the door to. I hate it when I have to go inside that dark room staring at the walls without any light on. Sometimes I feel like the space around me needs more space, well I can arrange that affterall it is my space right.; What will make a fighter like me become weak, when the only word that comes out of my mouth is “Life is Possible” I say it to evetyone and especially to myself. But what really happens when that dark wind comes and brings you down ; takes you back to everything you left behind. What puts you in that spot of pain and breakdown? I know what it is. It is me when I shut the door to the dark room l left somethings behind. But what is that, I ask myself, why do I feel so weak, my feet cold and my past crawling back. It is me! Yes, me. I let the junks in, my past, my pains and I let it get to me.

There is nothing in that room. Do not be deceived, i told myself . My past is in the past let it go. My pains gave me scars but if I keep touching it, it will never heal. Oh my , now something else is crawling back to me. My thoughts, my mind is not getting twisted. I do not have the power to control what happens outside my life, but I sure do have the power to control what goes inside. I went into the room, sat down on the floor and cried out my eyes. I looked around even though it was dark I could see. I saw what I needed to feed and feel, my thoughts, exactly my mind. It is what rules my life. I need to be ready for that moment when those feelings will come, they will come no one is stronger than challenges, that storm has no face. It does not care your personality, when it wants to hit you it does. I realized it is not the dark room l have a problem with, what I had a problem with was me. The attitude in which i handle the challenges that comes matters a great deal. I should dance in the rain because it cannot rain forever, just like the storm no matter how heavy it is, it passes by. I remembered when I booked a flight to Warri some years ago, i never knew it was a small airplane i was going to fly with. The flight was delayed, over and over until I heard the speakers announcing my flight. I rushed up and saw the aircraft, oh my; i have seen lots of small airplanes but i have never boarded any. Wow! I got in . It was a short flight but felt like it was never going to stop. The weather unfortunately was not at its best. At a point I thought the aircraft had issues, but what can I do, nothing, absolutely nothing. I just had to relax until it came to a stop. That is what happens in reality, the challenges, the hurdles they must come but your attitude towards them makes it harder than the challenge itself.

I came out of the room, but happier. I looked at the door, this time i shut it down ,whatever was in there was just my monster waiting to be released. I won, I entered a broken woman but came out stronger. The war is over because I let it. I called a friend and told him I wanted to cry, his response was something I didn’t understand at first. He said to me, you need to do this on your own dear. Yes he was right i needed to hear those words, to awakening my spirit. I took Ownership of my whole being, that is the kind of woman i am. I stand under the rain and dance. I do not care if anyone is watching, i release myself to the greatness inside of me.

I do not want to be in any dark room, i want to prove me right. The person I need to improve and impress is me. I noticed that i was quick to avoiding what was coming, can you imagine if i refused to come out of that room. The horror, the pains would be doubled. If I did not stand up when I did I would have gone back to the things that broke my mind in the first place. You know in life people really do not care, so do not live yourself behind. I made a video some days ago, and I said just like the passing storm in your life challenges are TEMPORARY. When you say you can’t do it anymore, know that it is not you talking but your insecurities. Your life is possible.

Eghonghon 🤗

I look ugly when I cry

I decided to open up my pains and challenges, not to get pity but it was part of my healing process. I cried every day, everywhere and to anything;I became so emotional and was shaken by everything i came across, everything seems impossible for me. i was looking for help but I really didn’t know from where it was going to come. But i was sure it was coming to save me and my kids.

The most difficult part of going through Depression and abuse is looking at your kids and wondering how you are going to help them stay safe, physically, mentally and emotionally. Everything and everywhere always looked small, too small you feel you are going to crush into tiny pieces of puzzles. You need to identify your problems so you can truly heal and live the best life you desire and deserve.

One day on my way to speak in an event for women going through domestic violence i knew it was time to wear my brave face, i am not going to cry to women waiting for me to come encourage them. Oh! It’s hard, but when you try to reach out giving when you have so little is an open door to a better you. I got to the event thinking i will be speaking to just a few women, to my greatest surprise it was a big crowd looking at me like “hey, where have you been. I knew I can’t stop now or go back, so I took the mic and started speaking to these wonderful women, some few men but mostly women.

My presence in that room was an amazing experience for me, it was an open door to reach inwardly and having been able to speak so confidently to women with so much challenges and their faces looking calm i knew it time to go back to me. Sometimes you have to come out, take the lead. Know that something big is about to happen, that is why your path seems harder. You have to pick up yourself and be ready to fight for you, fight for your lost hopes, fight for happiness and for peace.

I really never knew what was coming, but i knew absolutely i was doing the right thing changing my beliefs and limitations. I don’t want to feel small anymore, i want to be big , i don’t want to feel worthless about myself any more because my life matters . I decided to open up everything and it has to start with a word from my mouth. I am tired of repeating negative comments about myself, i knew I was good enough for me and my kids. Change that self criticism and bad energy that vibrates in your head, how do I do that.

I know! Yes ,i know. I stared in the best way i could ,baby steps. I have cried too many times in my life, i got to the woman looking at me in front of the mirror and I said to her; Mary you look too ugly when you cry. It was hard, i saw the red eyes, the nose and the way her mouth was opened, it was so ugly, this is not the woman I want to see, this is not the face that puts a smile on the faces of others Especially her kids, beautiful kids she has done so much for. I wanted that rebirth, into something very POWERFUL and POSITIVE. I knew I was still alive for a purpose, i was just a seed buried to the ground through, abuse, rejection and neglect, but it was about to grow into something amazingly different from unique.

I have never looked like my challenges, i don’t want to start looking like that now, i really don’t want people saying oh, what happened to you,? and not because they care,you are not an entertainer to the world . I went back to the mirror, this time not to cry , but my eyes are open wide to realease those bad energy, inhaling fresh breath. I saw everything in a different direction now, i knew there was beauty around me but i have to find it. I have been running, but to the wrong direction .

I don’t want to be ugly. I want to be beautiful, not just from the outside but deeply from the inside. Mary you are so ugly when you cry, i don’t want to be ugly anymore, i want to be beautiful without any makeup on. I want to live so people can feel the POSITIVE energy that comes out from just by being around me. My mentor Wuraola Ogunrotimi told me this! , you are raw, you have so much to live for and to give. I never understood her, but now I do.

People hide behind a masked face, this has nothing to with being fake it’s about showing so little. Fear of not being in control of their life, i myself came out of that place, i left behind anger and negativity so i can grow and be beautiful.

When you cry you are ugly. Step into a new chapter in your life, it’s not going to be easy but it is going to be worth it. Every battle will make you great. 🤗🧚‍♀️

Eghonghon Mary Ayemere.

I Never Knew I Was Beautiful

You need to learn the power of decorating your own soul, your own inner voice. Let us start from there, when I was growing up I never knew how beautiful I was;all I could see in the mirror was my very big nose;looking awful. I see my nose as big because I was constantly told it was big by people around me. I would put my hands on it to cover it up, I always touched my nose and honestly it took me forever to stop that habit. When I look at my friends I see beautiful princesses, but not me:I had big feet, scanty hair and big eyes. All this for me, as time passes by I became active in school activities, I was struggling for attention. I had this teacher back then her name was Miss Grace, for whatever reason she saw beyond my big nose and made me took part in the cultural dance group back then.

I would stay in the front row and just create attention, this was to distract people from looking at my nose. Those activities helped me with my confidence a little bit as a young girl, Maybe if I remained in a mixed school with boys and girls finding myself would have been easier;but my mom took me to an all girls school. You want to know what happens in an all girls school; I will tell. You can end up all confident and happy or you can be miserable and completely broken;I didn’t want to be the broken one, but remember my big nose and big feet, small head. I have a friend I love him so much, now he would say your head looks like okra but I love it. It is full of beautiful things and ideas, that’s something now. Back then I had one of the biggest shoes in school which made me look like a boy about to jump, I just made that up( the boy jumping part). If you want to succeed in any environment you find yourself ,the people you meet and make your circle matters a whole lot. Take it from me, even now as adults your circle should be small and meaningful.

I had a group of friends, from different backgrounds, back then they were from very rich families. There is a way been rich makes you look beautiful, it makes your words looks right and better than others when you speak. But in reality that is not true at all, they looked like princesses but they were just bullies taking advantage of the beautiful ones who didn’t have confidence. On their own they couldn’t make real friends, so they hang in there with the girls /boys who struggled with low self esteem. They would never stop talking about the achievements of their parents, why is that so? They had no real conversations. I always admired my friends and told them how beautiful they looked, not for once did I get a decent compliment in return. It was more of giving than receiving. My God, looking back now I was full of love and kindness. I wanted everyone to be Okay, i would go all the way to put a smile on someone’s face; yes that was Mary. What i am trying to point out is not getting any compliment from my circle, all I really got was people around me asking for favors, and me not having the “NO” power i already said yes, and never stopped apologising for things I never even did. Wow! the fear of losing friends as a young girl is the fear of most young girls. It is very important for you to find yourself early in life. I tell this to young people Especially girls, learn self acceptance, forget the big nose, the big feet, the small talks, you are good enough, know you can do more, activate the vibes that is circulating inside you trying to bust out to beautiful things.

Social media doesnt even help now, you see almost everyone looking perfect, no spots,everyone looking flawless. That is not the reality, the reality is looking at your big nose and big feet if you have one like me, and loving it. So I can imagine how difficult it is for young people going through bully and what they are struggling with. When I got married it was even worse, i tried to perform magic by doing so much, it only got worse Because I was constantly talked down, my ex husband would say if you didn’t have a big nose oh,; if you didn’t have big nose , he kept talking me down with little things. What he did was even worse than growing up. Find out what matters most to you; celebrate your accomplishments no matter how small.

It is never late for a new beginning in your life,. There is one secret I must share with you, my mom told me anyone who leaves my life has lost something really big. People loose you when you know your worth you don’t loose them. Have a great attitude, you know attitude is everything. Believe in your beauty, it is amazing when you look at that part of your body that you thought wasn’t good enough and just start loving it on a different level. There is no mistake about it, my nose compliments my big eyes, I am not average, lucky for me i never sat on the victim’s chair, you don’t have to look far to find better things in your life, you have everything right where you are.

I started decorating my own soul, don’t let anyone do that for you. I am so beautiful, immediately i found myself, everyone else started seeing it, all I hear now is you’re so beautiful some of my friends would say to me, Mary growing up you were the cutest; ugh” really, now they say it. Don’t stay around anything that doesn’t serve you, stay away from things that don’t make you grow. I challenge you to walk away from what is not making you a better person;what is important is how you see yourself. Don’t see yourself as anyone else. Say Yes to your genuineness “don’t fake it, the real people will see the beauty you carry, no makeup can hide that. Forget all those regrets that led you no where, focus on your possibilities, just like me know that the cutest shoes comes in bigger sizes because they are always limited.

Give yourself permission to be beautiful, give yourself permission to be great. You never know how far you can fly until you spread those wings;my pains in life drew me to my pen, when I am broken i run to my book and just Express all of myself, i don’t know where I would have been if I never went through pains and challenges as a young girl, if I didn’t suffer from rejection and abuse i never would have the courage to speak to women with so much confidence. Just continue to be you, never stop smiling. I always want to top myself ,just live in the present. I would say go after whatever makes you happy, you will never move forward in life if you remain in one place. My strength came from thinking i couldn’t do to doing it every time. I let my energy overcome my negativity, don’t be deceived it is always there that small negative voice, but you have the power to control it. Try your hardest not to listen to what people say, they always have something negative to say, but pay attention to what they don’t say.

Hey! Just unlock your possibilities because your life is possible.

@eghonghon

Don’t forget to drop a comment. 🤗🧚‍♀️

Trusting my process

When I talk about my process i smile because i believe in something that is not seen with the physical eyes. Walking in a pathway to self freedom is my process,looking deep inwardly and having the ability to work effectively with the physical. It is a lot, Especially making the biggest decisions of your life. Looking forward opening up every part of me to achieve greater value in what I believe. You know coming from a place where what is believed depends on cultural values and beliefs it’s really hard I must say, so first you need to believe completely in yourself. We are not taught to believe hundred percent in ourselves, rather we are taught to just struggle. Struggle in school struggle in your love life as well as your marriage,so finding your inner self has to come from you changing your mindset from the only belief you know.

Waiting for change to come will never happen, what happens is you taking charge and making that change. It is a known fact to pray and believe when you are struggling with abuse, isolation, mental health issues, depression, anxiety, fear, loneliness and low self esteem. So who do you speak to when you need to heal? No one, just pray your way out! Remember overcoming insecurities needs a lot of inward power. Your process is your shift, your openness to a new perspective,i made that shift. When i made a connection with my inner self i began to unlock all my hidden potentials, it didn’t happen overnight but it gave me more faith in my process. When I made that shift I was able to pray with a better connection and spirituality.

My process is my new beginning, understanding my boundaries, understanding my inner voice, giving myself a voice; a voice to change my language. Trusting my process means changing what I say to myself remember this pathway is a journey of trusting the unknown, believing something strong enough to keep you in a platform of openness to your wholeness. Giving your all to your innerself. What is my voice, my voice is knowing who I am. Identifying myself without talking about material objects or work, defining myself with my weakness and strength my imperfections, my scars and my experiences. No apologies for what I believe, my voice is rising inside and changing my outward look. It is not seen but felt. I am like a shooting star you see it when you keep looking up.what is going to guide me is my positivity and faith.

My process is here , it is now, through it I am living in the moment. Letting go of self doubt, trusting my process is having self control, only self control will lead me to my choices and self confidence;fixing my eyes on what is important, remember where it all started from. I want to enjoy what is and be bold enough to face the unknown without overthinking it. Me living in the moment is me taking responsibility of myself and my actions, thriving to getting my own wonders. I am not chasing after approval, i am accepting my whole being ,my place,this is where i want to be, there will be mountains to climb but that is life every day can not be the same.

I do not want to make my process boring. I will have to enjoy every day by putting on a smile, the beauty of this smile is not fake:it is a sign of the challenges i do not allow have a hold on me. Remember i am a new creation now , perfect is what is boring, doing the same thing, touching your old wound, holding on to the past, that is boring. Me writing out and understanding everything I am going through is for a better me. Happiness is a Choice, i heard those words too many times without really understanding it ,until i started trusting my process.

Whatever did not work out in my life i am so grateful for now, i wish you can see me smiling now. When we beat up ourselves over things that didn’t work is because we don’t understand the process. I was going somewhere recently with my kids, i am in a new environment so i am having a hard time getting the directions right since i haven’t started driving we had to take the bus, something we are not used to. We were at the bus stop waiting for the bus, it was very unusual since we stood there for over thirty minutes, i saw a security guard i took my kids and we ran to him asking for directions. My daughter screamed mummy the bu!, oh my; i saw the bus we were waiting for;,I told the security guard I’m Sorry but I have to go. We turned again running towards the bus, before we got there the bus left. I stood looking at my kids who were so tired and hungry, i went back to the security guard. Finally he looked at my phone and said ‘ma’m but that bus is a traveling bus, it’s going outside the city the bus you need is just over there. I looked at my kids and said I am so Sorry, yes we wasted time waiting for the wrong bus, but going to ask for directions gave us a better direction. That is what happens to us in life, not all storm are met for bad, some storms comes to our lives to give us better view of where we are going.

I am unlocking something bigger than me. It looks blurry but I trust it to have a better vision. I have learned patience and the power of gratitude,be thankful for every single day. I look at my life knowing what I have survived makes me feel so determined to keep trusting my process, Live every day as it comes, the rest will take care of themselves. ☺❤🧚‍♀️